The K-Hole Catharsis

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So I've taken some time to really consider how I felt about about K-Hole getting traded.  I don't really like him, but for the most part he's been very effective this year.  Plus with the fear of a fire sale looming over this Mets club I can understand how people are fearing it's the beginning of a premature end.  Despite all of this, I came to a conclusion that I think perfectly fits what it's like for K-Hole to leave this team:

Francisco Rodriguez getting traded is like recovering from a drug addiction.

Now you might think this makes no sense, but I assure you it makes PERFECT sense.  It's the beginning of the Mets going from this:

To this:

Not seeing it?  Let me explain.

#1) Drugs are expensive.  So was K-Hole.


Seriously, to support a drug habit takes a significant amount of capital.  Watch any VH1 Behind the Music and they'll tell you about the money that they blew on blow.  I remember catching up with my ex years ago and she was telling me about how she spent more money on her monthly marijuana habit than I did on my car payment.  Now yes, I drive a Ford Focus, and yes, I got a zero percent interest rate on it, but sweet baby Jesus that's a lot of weed.

The Mets were on pace to owe him 17.5 million dollars!  Whenever my credit card hits $1,000 I have a small panic attack.  I can still remember my senior year of college, living in my frat house completely broke and cringing at McDonalds praying that my debit card wouldn't get denied so I could have my McGriddle.

Mmmmm...McGriddle.....

Anyway, it had to be done.  If you've ever been in any kind of financial hole you know the relief that you feel when you're taking charge and working your way out of debt.  It's empowering and healthy. Even if the Mets had circumvented his 55 completed games, you know the union would've had a fit and then for months it would've been a huge battle.  It had to be done.

2) You do crazy shit when you're on Drugs.  K-Hole did crazy shit on the mound.


It's true!  If you acted completely normally no one would take them.  My drug of choice is alcohol and it has caused me to get thrown out of bars, urinate on the side of the road in Atlantic City while singing the National Anthem, and most recently go swimming in one of my best friend's neighbor's pool at 1am (sorry Jeff).  I've seen my friends take a shit in a washing machine, throw 36 fluid oz. of water all over a white castle, and while I wasn't there, I know for a fact that two of my fraternity brothers literally got thrown out of Harvard.

K-Hole's performances were NUTS.  Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a bicycle how many times did he: 

• Load the bases for no good reason?
• Give back all of the insurance runs that the offense had provided for him?
• Throw 45 pitches to record 2 outs?
• Have a temper tantrum on the mound that made you wonder if he was going to tackle someone?
• Get into a fight with his girlfriend's father, tear a ligament in his thumb and remove himself from baseball for the rest of the year?

Okay, he only did that last one once, but who does that?

And like all drug addictions, it's the family's of those using that suffer the most.  In this analogy, we Mets fans had to suffer during all of this shit.  I swear to God all of the physical and mental pain we endured could be listed as side effects for some new medication.

Imagine you're watching a TV commercial where some 30 something is walking a dog and smiling.  Morgan Freeman says the following:

Watching Francisco Rodriguez pitch may cause the following symptoms:

• High Blood Pressure
• Headaches
• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Sweating
• Sudden Mood Swings
• Thoughts of Suicide
• Or Death.

Let me put it this way.  Think about other closers.  Think about GAME OVER in big letters and Eric Gagne coming to the mound.  How confident must have Padres' fans been once Trevor Hoffman entered the game.  Brian Wilson's face is covered with what looks like pubic hair that could only be described in the original versions of Genesis, yet Giants' fans feel relieved when he takes the mound.

If you're a Mets fan, can you even imagine what it's like to be relieved when the closer comes to the mound?

Yeah no.

Too young to remember his good years.

I'm still bitter over '06.

My point is, it might seem like K-Hole was this elite closer for us, but seriously, don't look back in rose colored glasses.  It was stressful and he was a douche.

3) The next few weeks will feel like we're going through withdrawal, but we'll be better for it in the long run.


Sure the next couple of weeks with either Parnell, Beato, or Izzy closing will be stressful.  It will be no different than the shakes and pains one feels when getting clean.  But eventually either Parnell or Beato (probably Parnell) will find his legs and become our future closer and we'll all be better for it.  That's not to say that we're not due for some bumps in the road, but long term this is a healthy and intelligent decision for the Mets.